Is aging that scary?

I’m 19 now. “A young adult” is what they call me. But I think I’m still a newborn to this life. The actual newborns that people would refer to, those that have just been given birth the moment I’m writing this line or you are reading this, are human-WILL-being (sorry babies). They haven’t known life, yet (wait until you turn 19 babies). So yeah, I’m in the most wonderful period of my lifetime, they say. I’m supposed to be eager about my future ahead, which (they say) is filled with challenges, ambitions, surprises, and enjoyment.

F off. I still don’t know what to do with my life in the upcoming years but rolling around like a potato. I can’t help imagining how wonderful my retirement life would be. Maybe I would have figured out my life's meaning by that age. Can I just skip the challenges and ambitions and whatever phase? Just from “a young adult” to “a senior adult”, skip that “adult” phase, please. Thank you. I appreciate that.

“Young and healthy, lucky you,” mom exclaims as she watches me deadlift with the 19 litre Lavie bottle, bicep curl and then load it on the top loader water dispenser. “When I was your age, I used to carry water tanks….” Urgh, story time again. “But now I can’t even climb the stairs,'' she sighs. I can feel a sense of impotence in her voice. Arthritis occasionally makes her suffer when performing basic daily chores. She feels helpless hanging the clothes. She feels helpless walking from her bed to the restroom. Such basic tasks appear to exceed her joints’ bearability when arthritis comes. Aging makes mom feel weak, preventing her from realizing the travelling dream. “It is inevitable. You know that it is coming, it is unwanted, but you can’t do anything to stop. That is what aging feels like,” an experienced senior adult explains to a senior adult wannabe.

The way mom illustrates the aging experience somehow resembles the car crash scenes in Korean dramas. The protagonist is crossing the road, texting on the phone or thinking about his/her heart-breaking relationships/walking in tears. Suddenly, he/she hears a big noise from the horn, open-mouthed, shocked. Headlight screen: the car is coming. Black screen with a scream: we all know what happened. Key lesson here: love, whether happy (texting on the phone) or sad (heart-breaking relationships/walking in tears), will make people suffer. Be single and safe, guys. Anyways, back to the story. Aging is like an unexpected car crash - imminent and unpreventable. Car crashes are scary.

Then, is aging that scary?

Some are concerned about wrinkles or strength, generally physical aspects. Some are concerned about ageism. Some are concerned that aging would not allow them to witness certain major events like their children getting married, or their grandchildren come to life. Adults in their senior years have a tendency to wish to go back in time or freeze time. Watching mom suffering arthritis has put me off the senior adult idea. A newborn (me) wants to freeze time too. Nobody wants to grow up.

Aging isn’t scary, but growing up is.

*Update 4/12: Đợt này mình đang bị anxiety mà mình không biết. Sau đó mình phải đi therapist thì mới biết là mình bị anxiety :))) Bây giờ đọc lại mới thấy cái sự anxiety disorder đấy =))) Mình đã xoá bớt 1 para cuối vì cảm thấy nó hơi bị tiêu cực quá.